Beam me up Scottie

Princess Lupsup says I don't blog enough... I should. Shouldn't I? As an outlet for my nonsense.

I have deadlines to meet, but I no longer give a shit. I try, but not as hard as I used to avoid double bounces.
It was good to have gone for the interview yesterday. It made me realised, made me stare at the truth: I no longer wanna do BCP.

How else will you explain the indifference whether they'll hire me or not? I came out of the interview feeling "Ok, not that bad, but whatever." I'm glad there were some takeaways from the session. How illogical I can be, how to avoid conflicts from springing up in some instances, how (like Maz describes) I sound like a hippie, and how I am painfully frank about my views and shortcomings.

Great. Now I know what I don't want. What DO I want?
Honestly? No idea. But life is too short to go through the full process of elimination, isn't it?
Will an insight into my hobbies give me an idea of what I want? Really?
Or will my interest fade as I begin to learn the technical aspects?

I realise I'm no longer happy.
What does it take to be happy?
Why can't I take a job, as a job? It's something I gotta to do in order to pay bills, go on holidays, buy my family a good meal.
Must I derive satisfaction and happiness from it?
Would I be a sad soul if I derive happiness from my job? As if there is nothing else in the world I can find happiness in?
Why does it make me so unhappy when I have other things to be happy about?
I used to be content if I am NOT unhappy. Is it enough? I think so. But I'm not even in that state now. I AM unhappy.

I remember a quote from the photo exhibition we went to in the Wellington National Library
"Happiness is not a destination, but a journey"

How do I know which journey that is?
Does it mean the journey may also consist of misery and frustration?
Is that how I will find happiness? Through misery and frustration?
The truth is out there.